March 26th, 2007
|12:33 am - numb is the new high; our memories die out|
mt said it was a lonely job.
you bet it is.
Current Mood: lonely
Current Music: nothing and nowhere - emily haines
November 2nd, 2006
|02:17 am - a song called death|
it's called the leaving song
i keep replaying our airport movie scene over and over in my head. i think to myself, what am i going to do when you leave me to go on your great adventure? we've talked about it, decided we'd both stick it out if things were still good when we make it there. it's easy for us to say it now--we both know we won't get that far. we have fun and we laugh and drink and laugh and dance and laugh and play board games and we always laugh. but i can't remember what you smell like anymore and i can't remember what your hair feels like. we haven't laughed in a long time or hugged in a long time and even the 'i love you' is an afterthought at my end of the phone line.
we can't fix it if we're never together. i can't keep giving, it's sucking the life out of me.
it's called my leaving song
April 12th, 2006
|01:04 pm - to-do list... 'cause that's how i roll|
instead of doing my art history essay, my existentialist poem, my modern poetry essay, or studying for my two exams, i am updating my live journal. of course. all's right with the world.
in any case, i'm home in 10 days for another summer o'fun. and because i like lists, here's the plan so far:
april 22nd - 28th: unpacking/sleeping/hanging with sisters!!/doing nothing and feeling great
april 28th: date with boyfriend
april 29th: likely another date with boyfriend
may 1st: first day of work
may 6th: strokes concert!
may 13th: six month-iversary that will undoubtedly go unnoticed
may 19th - 22nd: may 2-4 camping!
may 26th - 28th: kingston production weekend
june 10th: GRE exam
june 12th: G test
things are coming together quite nicely. i'm a crazy person. can't wait to get home and sleep and see my sistahs!! it's going to be amazing i'm sure.
Current Mood: working
Current Music: kiss me and kill me - teeter
April 5th, 2006
i'm guilty, just like everyone today...
when you start quoting a guy who's never been a major player in the music industry and all of a sudden appears with a record featuring all these great Canadian music artists, you know you're desperate. you know you're failing at life and all because of people like the guy in 'neverending white lights' who just wake up one morning and make big things happen.
we're all guilty of something. some of us are guilty of failure and some are guilty of letting opportunities pass us by because we're ignorant and some of us are guilty of the greatest sin, which is fear. the world is a huge place and we touch so many people's lives and who is going to be there to judge us in the end and decide whether or not our successes outweigh our failures?
and what about the people who don't have successes yet? or won't ever have them? what about us? what about the people who are guilty of letting their fear get in the way of their ability to live? what then?
do we look to the icons of popular culture? if raine maida tells me it's okay to be a liar because everyone is a liar, i guess in our post-modern world it's really okay to be a liar. if andy warhol makes a film of someone giving a blowjob and calls it 'blowjob' and says that it's art, i guess that means if i want to be artistic then that's a natural part of life and... well enough about that. how about philosophy? if nietzsche and sartre tell me that god is dead and we are only living for ourselves and we will never escape the anxiety and frustration of not being fulfilled, then i suppose there isn't a judgement at the end and it's all about me. in the end, everyone is telling me that it's all about me.
third year of university has taught me about freedom. freedom has been shoved down my throat everywhere i've turned this year and it has made me hate it. i've changed my mind and i don't want it. i don't want freedom, i want the chains, i want the barriers and the lines that connect me to others. i've learned that useless things can be beautiful but it doesn't make them more useful. just because poetry means something to someone doesn't mean it will change the world. what has the waste land really done besides recount what we already knew about the world to us in complicated lines and word formations? university is teaching me to be more afraid about the choices that i am making.
thus, i know only one thing for certain: if i'm going to be guilty, i don't want to be guilty alone.
Current Mood: exhausted
Current Music: neverending white lights - liar
November 27th, 2005
i haven't felt this lost in a long, long time.
the highs and lows are killing me.
i miss home :(
Current Mood: sad
November 25th, 2005
|02:16 pm - i know you just wanna be on fire...|
jason collett show tomorrow!
on that note, let me describe my impending excitement for many things! actually, just one thing. ONE MORE MONTH TILL CHRISTMAS!!! i cannot wait for exams to be done, for the stars show, to work at Mastermind again, to see my darling sisters, to see damien, and to see all the rest of my friends! add a couple weeks of doing nothing to a week of skiing in vermont and it's going to be a great holiday. and this time i won't have mono!!!!!
on another note entirely:
I used to cut out pictures,
And paste them together.
I was ten, and I called it
It wasn’t until later I learned
That Picasso had been doing it for years.
Time to find a new medium,
Streaks of red
Litter the canvas
That is my body.
You always said I wasn’t artistic,
I’m bloody and beautiful;
An artist after all.
It's going to be my first Christmas in two years!! Looks like double the excitement!! [rain is falling, looks like love] That is all for today. Bon soir.
November 8th, 2005
|12:35 am - truly madly deeply|
drunken smiles are the best kind!
"i like you"
"i like you SO MUCH"
damned if i do and damned if i don't.
all in all, nov 4 was a good night. i knew i'd end up sharing the paper with someone - I'm glad it got to be you.
Current Mood: contemplative
November 2nd, 2005
|01:52 am - i'm sick, you're tired; let's dance|
what a strange, strange few days. this week is going by very slowly, which is probably a good thing considering the amount of work i have to do before going home this weekend. first off, i absolutely hate handing assignments in late and i handed one in late today because of how crazy/awesome last weekend was, which should never be used as an excuse!! but hallowe'en weekend with rob visiting really was fab! i had a fantastic time and i think he really did too. sooo many stories! it was definitely a weekend to remember.
-possibly the best hallowe'en party ever in history
-50 people crammed into one hallway
-a-runner (lol!): "aren't you the guy from A Clockwork Orange?" rob: "yes! you're the only one who got it!"
-me to josh & laura: "oh my god i totally didn't realize what you guys were before but you have the best costume everrrrr!"
-joanna to random girl: "are you prescott's girlfriend?" random girl to joanna: "oh GOD NO!"
-jamming with the white stripes and edward scissorhands to "razor blade"
-me eating 7 slices of pizza
-jon: "katherine, i read your article" me: "WHY?!?!?"
-rob: "have a magical evening!!"
-jamming to "juicebox" before and after going out
and the weekend fittingly concluded with a bizarre conversation with damien about some party that he went to on the weekend that i really didn't need to hear about. oh well. come friday i'm sure it will be eyes for striking all over again.
anyway hopefully i can manage to fit sleep into my schedule somewhere before this weekend. friday will be busy as hell but i'm also hoping this dinner dance will be fun times. i was pretty surprised that he asked me in the first place but i have a nice dress and extremely high-heeled shoes that i can't even move in, so it should be a good evening no matter what. as for the rest of the weekend, i've got a coffee study break with jess on saturday which i am excited about! i'm so glad we're friends again, after the messy summer that we had. and for the rest of the weekend i will be locked up at the library falling in love with t.s. eliot, ezra pound, and d.h. lawrence in true 'modern poetry' student-style.
here's to a good time in toronto, as always!
Current Mood: exhausted
Current Music: calculation theme - metric
October 10th, 2005
|07:44 pm - all that jazz|
tagged by sarah!
The rules: List five songs you currently love. It doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words, or even if they are any good, but they must be five songs you are really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, the songs, and the artists in your journal. Then tag five other friends to see what they are listening to.
1)One More Night - Stars
2)Okay I Believe You But My Tommy Gun Don't - Brand New
3)Blue Light - Bloc Party
4)We All Lose One Another- Jason Collet
5)Poster of a Girl - Metric
Current Mood: confused
Current Music: bound to happen - the spill canvas
September 1st, 2005
|10:28 pm - i just want you to know|
i feel like wherever you may go or however many times you go out into the world, you can always come back home and i'll be here.
second only to:
every time i see you your hair looks different!
what a summer, what a summer.
Current Mood: sleepy